


Unsaid

by LenoirWhittlethorn



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Kissing, Mentions of Sex, rape mention, slight angst, slight language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 00:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5395757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenoirWhittlethorn/pseuds/LenoirWhittlethorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josephine wanted to know more about the Inquisitor and asked Cole if he could possibly bring some of the Inquisitor's past to light. But perhaps some things are better left unsaid. Especially when the Inquisitor steps into the room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsaid

The tavern was bustling, but the whole second floor was left clear for the Inquisitor’s “Inner Circle”. It was a miniature celebration for achieving a lot of influence, all thanks to Selena Lavellan. The advisors even came, the most excited one being Josephine, followed closely by Cullen, which everyone at the table knew why. While most of the Inner Circle was present, the Inquisitor hadn’t appeared just yet, so the table began carrying idle conversation.

“So Cassandra, you’ve travelled a lot with the Inquisitor, has she ever...indulged you with tales of her past?” Josephine nodded gratefully at the server girl who was struggling to pass around the large tray of drinks. She turned her attention back to Cassandra, her smile warm and friendly.

“No, she’s silent for the most part. She often just listens to us chatting among ourselves. She definitely was disciplined to be a spy. There are times when we don’t even sense her near us.” Cassandra answered before taking a drink. She scrunched her nose and shook her head. “Josephine, for your sake, only take sips.”

Josephine nodded, but she didn’t pay much attention to her drink. “She doesn’t talk at all? Strange, I thought that since you were comrades that she’d open up more.” She sighed and went to take a drink, but immediately put it back down. “That smell is not encouraging.”

“The drink doesn’t make up for it either.” Cullen spoke up from Josephine’s right side. “Why are you so determined to know Sele—the Inquisitor’s past?” He avoided the stares he received from Josephine and Cassandra.

“Because I think now is the time to show the people that the Inquisitor came from humble beginnings or show that she has bled and suffered just like them. And yet she stood up against all odds.” Josephine put her fists in the air and shook them once, before putting them back in her lap.

“Underdogs!” Iron Bull bellowed from the table end.

“Yes, exactly.” Josephine smirked.

Leliana softly clicked her tongue from her spot across from Josephine. “Josie, you should know better. That some people do not wish for their pasts to be uncovered.” She turned her violet eyes up beyond Josephine’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t skulk like that.” She scolded lightly to the figure standing behind Josephine.

“S-sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt.” A young man wearing a large, floppy hat muttered as he stepped out of the shadows.

“Cole, how many times have I told you to stop lurking in the shadows, it makes everyone uneasy.” Cassandra scolded, but her tone was gentle.

Cole only nodded and lightly tapped his fingers against each other, unsure of what to do.

Josephine looked up at Cole and beamed a polite smile at him. “Cole, you can sit next to me, if you like.” She offered.

He thought about it for so long that everyone assumed he’d vanish again, but cautiously, he pulled out the chair and sat down.

“Was there anything you’d like to bring to the conversation, Cole?” Josephine prodded gently and Leliana’s soft hiss indicated she knew what game her friend was playing.

The young man rocked in his seat a little, tilting his head slightly as if he were listening for something. “I’ve travelled with Selena for quite a while. Her lips rarely move, but her mind is always talking.” Cole muttered softly. “She has one foot in here and the other is there, constantly. A lot of old hurts keep her split. Protection against any new hurts.”

By now, Cullen, Cassandra, and Leliana were leaning towards Cole, interested despite their previous objections.

“Here and there as in...time?” Leliana inquired.

“Yes.” Cole kept his face down so that his hat hid it. “She’s broken herself to focus on so many things, sometimes I get a headache from dwelling there too long.”

Josephine’s eyes lit up and she seized the opportunity. “But you have read her mind? Do you know of her past, Cole?” She tried peeking under Cole’s hat, but he shied away.

“Only the hurt and the sparse moments of joy.” Cole answered flatly.

“Could you tell us a little bit about her, Cole?” Before the young man could protest, Josephine placed a hand on his arm. “Please?”

Cole shifted in his seat, then went rigid for a few moments. When Josephine removed her arm, he took a deep breath and spoke. “Was it supposed to hurt that much? Too scared to ask, why am I scared? He’s my love, but when his blue eyes fall on me sometimes I see it. Hate. A flash and then gone. I should’ve known.” He swallowed audibly.

“All those months. Empty words for a full bed. We just made love— _you knife-ear whore_ —he tried killing me! They both knew, he went back to her, the wife he couldn’t stand anymore. He never meant any of it. Thought I was with child.” Cole rubbed his throat. “He’s throttling me, choking, but we made love—hate, there’s so much—because I’m a knife-ear? Because he’s a human man. Only our hips joined, I should’ve known. My nails are daggers, the eyes, those blasted blue eyes—he screamed—kill him kill him kill him kill—dead.” Cole trembled and he clasped his hands tightly together.

The advisors and Seeker sat in stunned silence, all trying to process Cole’s rant.

Cassandra shook her head slowly and rested her elbows on the table. “Being used as an object. I see why she wasn’t so trustworthy in the beginning. She must’ve been quite young, if that was her first lover.” She looked at Cole. “Are you alright, Cole?”

The young man was trembling slightly. “He was a Templar.” Cole growled. “He hurt her and that’s why she’s split. He deserved to die.”

Leliana crossed her arms over her chest. “That may be why she pushed for siding with the mages.” She raised her eyebrows when Cole shook his head at her reasoning. “Or not?”

“It’s...a necessary hurt?” Cole pondered to himself, confusing everyone further and then sighed deeply. “There was a mage many years later, an apostate. Selena’s heart melted when she saw him bloodied and terrified. Only human men hurt, not her own kin.” He looked over at Josephine. “She should’ve known.”

Josephine’s gaped in silent horror and she leaned a little towards Cole. “Don’t tell me he hurt her too?” She whispered.

By now there was a juxtaposition at the Inner Circle’s table; one end was boisterous while the end that the advisers sat at was somber. The three women tensed when Cullen slammed his drink down; he softly apologized, but his face was hardened. Cole wrung his hands a few times and then cleared his throat.

“Soft, pale skin, so different from mine. My father’s weakness is my own. The moonlight makes him ethereal, his green eyes dilated after I pinned him down in the grass. His soft mewing brings me to—” Cole put a hand over his mouth and shook his head.

“So they were intimate.” Leliana mused and watched Josephine take a gulp of her drink, only to gag. “Careful Josie.” She teased.

“I’m fine.” Josephine rasped and blinked away tears. “That...swill is very repulsive.”

Cassandra chuckled and looked at Cullen waving the barmaid over to get him another drink. She glanced over at the young man and noted his neck was pink. “Cole do you know what Selena meant by ‘My father’s weakness is my own’?”

The soft clicking of leather boots against the wooden floor made everyone tense.“It means that we share a weakness for pale skin and blonde hair.” Selena spoke up from behind Cassandra, her arms crossed over her chest.

Cassandra put a hand over her heart, startled into silence as her face flushed. Cullen whipped his head towards the sound of Selena’s voice and immediately stood up, though his expression was pained. Leliana calmly took a sip of her drink, yet her eyes remained downcast. Josephine also rose to her feet, but she rushed over to the Inquisitor, surprising everybody.

“Please forgive me, Inquisitor.” She slurred and hugged Selena.

The redheaded Inquisitor unfurled her arms and held Josephine, awkwardly patting her back. “It’s alright, I wondered when you’d ask Cole about me.” Selena sighed and gently put some distance between her and Josephine.

Cole hung his head so low that his hat touched the table’s surface. “Selena, you don’t have to balance between here and there anymore. Cullen’s here.” He said softly. “I don’t want you having hurt anymore. Even if you think it’s necessary.”

“I know, Cole. I’m not angry at you.” Selena smiled gently when Cole looked up at her.

“Inquisitor, I also apologize.” Cassandra looked over her shoulder. “You have always respected my privacy and here I—”

“—Cassandra, it’s fine.” Selena said firmly, but kept her smile.

Then Selena glanced up at Cullen and noticed he was sitting down again, taking a few gulps of his fresh drink. “Commander, I was wondering if you had some time to talk.” She said coyly, though her heart was hammering in her chest.

Cullen didn’t respond verbally, but he rose to his feet and walked over towards Selena. They made eye contact, except Cullen didn’t hold it for long. Selena began walking away from the table, sensing the commander not too far behind.

The night air was chilled and silent compared to the tavern’s atmosphere. Selena kept walking, her shoulders tensed and the nape of her neck prickling. She expected Cullen to speak up, but the seasoned soldier silently followed. His steps were heavy.

While Selena jogged up the stairs, Cullen merely trudged up them. She waited at the top of the stone stairs, watching him, a smirk tugging on her lips. Even though the talk was going to be strenuous, Selena couldn’t help but feel happy being around him. He straightened up once he realized that Selena was standing there the whole time.

She offered her hand to him, her smirk becoming a grin, but Cullen only walked to the other side of the wide stone walkway. Selena cleared her throat and followed him, the tension she shoved back began bubbling forth.

The place where they stood was where they had their first kiss. Many others followed, all instigated by Selena herself, but they weren’t here for a brief display of affection. While Cullen leaned forward, looking out at the darkened, mountainous landscape, Selena pressed her back against the stone, enjoying the sturdy support.

“A Templar and a mage.” Cullen whispered so softly, Selena barely caught his words.

She bit her lip and watched him carefully. “There were...others, but...those two were unfortunately the most memorable.” She answered honestly, knowing that this was the best way to say it.

“Of course,” Cullen glared out into the darkness, his jaw set like chiseled rock. “They hurt you.” He clenched his right hand for a moment before relaxing it.

“Jaran and Uriel.” Selena whispered and she shivered. She flinched when Cullen straightened up and looked at her. “Jaran was more or less an ex-Templar; kicked out of the Order, but he still carried the arrogance of being one. I,” She swallowed and looked at the looming towers in Skyhold, feeling herself stepping back in time. “I just got my Vallaslin,” She motioned towards the markings on her face. “I was arrogant in my own way.”

“Cassandra guessed right, you were young.” Cullen muttered.

Selena nodded. “He was my first.” She glared up at the sky. “But I was nothing to him. Our first night together, it felt wrong, the whole…” She held herself and shut her eyes. “I ignored my instincts though and he continuously told me it was supposed to hurt. A necessary hurt.” She opened her eyes upon hearing Cullen stepping closer. “I believed him every time. I’d cry myself to sleep, believing something was wrong with me.” Selena coughed to ease the lump in her throat.

“It was all him, not you.” Cullen reassured quietly.

“I was disposable to him, an object to satisfy his lust since his wife left him dry.” Selena growled. “What’s horrible is that I replay the night I killed him with my bare hands in my mind and I feel good.” She shook her head. “After that I had a few tristes, none of them memorable or lasting and years passed with me holding a burning rage towards humans. Then Uriel tumbled into my life.”

“An elf apostate?”

The redheaded Dalish elf looked at Cullen and a sad smile spread on her face. “Yes. He seemed to be the answer to all my late night prayers to the gods.” She shook her head slowly. “Uriel was being hunted by Templars, so naturally I hid him. Protected him.” She sighed deeply and furrowed her brows in concentration.

“You don’t have to tell me, if it’s too painful.” Cullen murmured.

“No, Cullen, you need to know. Because I,” Selena scraped her teeth across her bottom lip. “I care about you.” She dropped her hands to her sides and took a couple steps away from the stone she was propped against. Cullen was closer to her side now, not quite touching, but enough to make her aware.

“I care about you too, that’s why I don’t want you to drudge up anything that—” He was silenced when Selena raised her right hand at him, she almost could press it against his chestplate.

Without looking at Cullen, Selena took a calming breath and decided to get to the point. “Uriel was a blood mage.” She paused when Cullen tensed. “He kept it hidden from all of us, obviously. We were lovers for a couple years and he never showed signs of it. He was so small and sweet, I was blinded.” Selena lowered her hand and shut her eyes. The memories came flooding back in. “Uriel had a fragile—no—a twisted mind. He clung to me, his protector, and for those years he silently seethed whenever my dearest friend came around.”

“Selena.” Cullen’s voice was close to her right ear, but she kept her eyes shut.

“Jai was my sister, not in blood, but a bond so close...so close.” She gritted her teeth, the overbearing sensation of sobbing surging forth. “She was pregnant with her first child, only a couple months in. I should’ve been more aware of Uriel’s jealously. His abnormal silence when Jai came over or when I left him to spend idle hours with her.” Tears seeped through her closed eyelids and she shook her head.

Cullen gingerly reached out and pulled Selena into an embrace. She didn’t ease in his arms however and she didn’t open her eyes. When she spoke up, her voice warbled.

“He kept demanding sex, even at the most inappropriate times. I had enough one day and punched him when he tried forcing himself on me. Somehow he...he came to the conclusion that I was having relations with Jai in private, which wasn’t true at all. Running to her was the worst mistake I ever made.” Selena inhaled, but it turned into a gasp for air. “It was Jai and me against Uriel.”

Suddenly, Selena struggled out of Cullen’s arms and pointed at the right side of her face where deep scars settled. Rage began rushing up her throat, uninhibited. “He did this to me! My own lover, someone I protected and without hesitation that bastard left his mark on me!” She snarled viciously and this time when she tried to breathe, sobs gurgled out. “That was only with acid, when he performed blood magic...Maker, her screams are trapped in my head.”

There was a terrible ache in Cullen’s chest, when he watched Selena grab her head, he saw himself, so many years ago. The pain and guilt never went away. While it was eerie, Cullen felt more intimate with Selena. He took a few steps towards the shaken Inquisitor, more than willing to hold her until the sun rose.  

Selena flinched and stepped further back, her hands clenched tightly into her dark red hair. Her yellow eyes were wide and distant, much like a frightened ram. When Cullen attempted again to near her, she dropped her hands from her head and held them up. He obediently halted his advance.

“I killed him for what he did to Jai and the baby. Left him to rot in the field, the Templars didn’t even want to touch him.” Selena gagged, but composed herself. “I carried her, she was so heavy, but I carried her.” Her eyes narrowed and she revealed her teeth. “I prayed to the gods as I felt her body go cold, I prayed to every one to save her, to save them. They were silent.” She spat. “That night, I stopped praying to them.”

“That’s why you believe in the Maker.” Cullen mused and released a drawn out sigh.

“After that night, I knelt before no god. But to put it simply, yes, I did put my faith in the Maker. He was the only one that sought me out.” Selena looked down at her hands. “It’s been so long, but sometimes I feel her weight.” She clenched her hands and shut her eyes, swallowing down a sob. “Do you see why I didn’t want to be the Herald or the Inquisitor or whatever else the people wanted to put their hope into? I am only a harbinger of death.” Her body shook from releasing so much emotion in such a short amount of time.

She was cold.

This time, as Cullen approached Selena, there was no aberration. Cullen studied Selena’s face and it seemed more complete to him somehow. There were answers behind every scowl she made, every time her eyes widened with trepidation, and whenever she raised her voice in anger. The scars appeared deeper.

“You, Selena Lavellan, are more than worthy to be the Inquisitor.” Cullen murmured and gently cupped the scarred side of Selena’s face. “Thank you.” He watched Selena’s eyes search his face and he knew she was seeking out the lie. When she stopped scanning him, she closed her eyes and sighed wearily.

“You’re not,” Selena kept her eyes shut and she gently placed her hand over Cullen’s. “You’re not afraid of me? Disgusted? Angered?” She whispered and her brow crinkled, fighting back her urge to crumble into a sobbing mess.

Cullen’s hand dropped and Selena’s hand dropped as well. She clenched her hands at her sides, too exhausted to open her eyes again. The warmth from his hand dissipated and it felt like it never happened. Then she sensed him leaning forward and it wasn’t long before she felt his lips brush over her scarred cheek. Selena choked, she was stuck between a laugh and a cry, but her eyes remained closed. He then kissed the center of her forehead, lingering for a few moments before kissing her left cheek.

Selena was weak at the knees and her face burned. She opened her eyes when Cullen wrapped his arms around her waist. She wanted to say, “I take that as a ‘no’”, but she saw something in those warm, brown eyes of his. It was something she forgot existed and the knot in her stomach unfurled into a wave of warmth that made her lightheaded.

Without words, Selena closed the distance between them and pressed her lips against Cullen’s. The speed of his reciprocation made Selena giggle into his mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck, otherwise she was going to collapse.

It was different from the other times they kissed. There wasn’t the intense flash of desire as they struggled to find that sweet euphoric moment, rather it was a soothing meld of comfort. Selena silently cursed when a few tears dribbled from the corners of her eyes. Cullen noticed and broke the kiss, a deep flush spreading on his face.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—” He stammered, turning redder as Selena kept staring at him.

“The ale doesn’t taste so bad on your tongue.” Selena growled seductively and grinned when Cullen sputtered incoherent words. She kissed him lightly on his nose, ending it with a very soft bite. “Thank you, Cullen.”

Cullen could only stammer out a quiet “you’re welcome” before clearing his throat.

Everything was heated and a wicked thought entered Selena’s mind. They could do so much more than just kissing and she did want to dwell in the moment. Before she could voice her offer however, there was a huge commotion happening outside the tavern. Selena and Cullen picked up on the ruckus and silently agreed to go investigate.

“Inquisitor, Cullen, you missed it!” The Iron Bull guffawed at the entrance as some irked patrons staggered out of the tavern. They reeked of something sour. “Josephine tried downing three more pints for a handful of sovereigns and just as she got paid, she ran over to the banister and hurled over everyone below!” He wiped tears from his eyes. “Could use her as some type of defensive weapon.”

Selena shook her head and looked at Cullen. “I’ll go help Josephine to bed. We’ll talk some more tomorrow, Commander.” She smirked and began walking into the tavern. “By the way, red looks very good on you.” She shouted over her shoulder, pleased to see Cullen hiding his face from an inquisitive Iron Bull.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 


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